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Monday, February 11, 2008

End Coming

He was my knight in shining armour. That's why in my heart I've always called him Arthur. I could make his eyes sparkle. I could make him smile. I could make him laugh until he'd wipe those happy tears off his eyes.
But I could not make him love me.
It was three in the afternoon just when I decided to call up Arthur. That afternoon, my heart sank. He was trying to smooth his talk but all he wanted to say was that it's not going to happen.
With emotions dulled with a cigarette, I smiled. I smiled because I saw the end coming. I smiled because I wanted his final memory of me to be the one that was happy, even as I struggled to keep myself together.The day I met Arthur, it was as though a cupid had hit me into my heart. Maybe he is the one. Maybe not. The end.
I texted him that night. "I will wait no matter how long it takes".
I drank that night. I drank because one thing I know with absolute certainty about rejection is that it always hurts more the morning after. Whenever my friends ask how he swept me off my feet so swiftly, I would borrow a line from Goodwill Hunting and answer,
"Do you know how it feels like to think that you have someone who is an angel
sent down just to watch over you and that you are an angel sent down just to
watch over him?"
My angel doesn't love me.
He had gone as swiftly and suddenly as he had come, leaving me with a few memories and a lot of kindness. Yes, Arthur was the kindest person I've met in years. He had this way of making me feel like I was the queen of the world. In reality though, I was a lowly pauper begging for every scrap of time and attention he could spare.
Even a pauper has the right to remember. And I will. I'll remeber the time he called me up during valentines day. How he would message me and tell me how he wanted me so badly.
I'll remember how he srtiked a conversation trying to get to know me in a party. I'll remember how he held a cigarette without actually lighting it. How handsome he looked in his white shirt. How he swayed and danced to the beat of a live band, how he approached me, how we brushed each others cheek, and a million other things that were magic simply because he did them, thought them, felt them.
But most of all, I'll remeber how his kind eyes peered though my face, right through my soul.
I can take it. I'm going to be fine. This was the first and only lie I ever told myself and with good reason. My knight in shining armour didn't want to hurt me even though I wasn't his princess.
As I walked away, I turned to take a one last look. With or without me, Arthur's eyes would sparkle, he would smile or roar with laughter whenever he pleased.
It really comes as no surprise. Arthur was never my knight in shining armour at all.

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5 Comments:

At 9:25 PM, Anonymous ryanboy said...

looks like i know who this asshole is. hahahaha

 
At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Harold said...

Sometimes it's better that it never happened. Especially if he's a married man. It's a blessing!

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Ollie Style said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger Hazel Chua said...

ryanboy - let's keep it a secret ;)

Harold - yup... especially if he was born like um.. hahahaha

 
At 1:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arthur is an asshole!!!! He is chicken shit.

 

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